My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
