Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drake has all the answers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
