I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
