He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
