I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
