i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
