No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
