i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
