my sisters under your porch take her home
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
