I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
