He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
