his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
