Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have fence marks all over my body
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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