i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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