his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
