I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
