Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
