She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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