I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize