FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
