Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
