Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
