fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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