another moral hangover. fuck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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