there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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