I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
