what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
