Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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