You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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