i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
