you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
