Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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