Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is Oprah even human
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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