it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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