Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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