You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
