I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
