Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
