Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
