i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
