i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
