Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
