well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
