Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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