I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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