He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
