I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
