i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
