C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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