he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
