Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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