i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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