he shaved USA in his pubs
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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