Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
