hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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