then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
