"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
