I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
