I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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