you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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