Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
