I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
