I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My life is pants optional.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
