So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
