Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am one with the molecules
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
