I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
