My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My penis needs a shock collar
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
