Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
