He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
