Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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