I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
