McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
