You're a womanizer and a bitch.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
