Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize