my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize