Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
