It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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