Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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