So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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