Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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