I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
