Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bring me that man meat
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
