If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
