You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
