so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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