I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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