From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
