Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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