Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
